i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Even my vagina gasped.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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