ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
