My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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