I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
