This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
