Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
