i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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