Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
