He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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