Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
