I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
