I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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