Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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