yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
