3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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