I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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