My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
