YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
