when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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