just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
