just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
