I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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