taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
