Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
