Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
