Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
