After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sex in a hospital.. check
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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