I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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