so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
