I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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