Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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