Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
