i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
