I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
