Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
