think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
