so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ttyl tear gas
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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