I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
