Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
