but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
