My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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