I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
