If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
