my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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