so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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