Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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