happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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