great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
