wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You ruined the universe
Randomize
