All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
