he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't turn off my feet"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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