There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
