we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
